Seasons of Singleness

Why are you single?

Do you know how many times I hear that question in a month? An awful lot, actually. So much that I started having to dig a little deeper to try and figure out what the REAL answer to that question was. You see, most people don't want to hear another story about how your ex wasn't worth it or how you're a great person, but you make bad decisions in men. They don't care about that; they care about you! So, I had to figure that out, ME, and why I was in this season of singleness. 

Monique Andrews

It's been about 5 years since I was in a relationship that lasted over a year. It lasted three to be exact. Three years full of every emotion under the sun to come out on the other side wondering who I was and what I was doing here because this wasn't how I wanted to live, this wasn't how I saw myself at this age. I knew something had to change, and it started with me. I began to semi-date, but I was never fulfilled in anyone I talked to, and I was never happy with the people who tried to court me. Was this because of me and my choices or because the lack of men (especially good ones, in Atlanta) was overwhelmingly low?

Like how I could possibly be reading a Bible that said: Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." – Genesis 2:18, yet here I was, ALONE? What was my problem? Maybe it was me, so I started to dig. Fast forward to 2020. Yes, this year. 

This year has been such a whirlwind of emotions for me, and it really makes me only be able to appreciate who God is and why He brings you to certain situations. Can you allow me to be transparent for a second? In January of 2020, I was in a relationship. In my mind, I thought this man was on the verge of perfect. I mean, of course, we all have our flaws, don't get me wrong there, but I was legit in love. The relationship ended in February of 2020. Short-lived right?

So here we are, back again, single. I could not believe this was happening yet again, especially with someone I just knew was "the one." 

That is until I started to look at myself and realized what was missing all along. You see, I have always been a Christian. I've always believed in God, I know that He is the rock and savior to everything I have going on, but if we are being honest, I wasn't really checking for Him like that. I mean, I would try to go to church and try to read my Bible when I had the chance, but I would make any excuse as to why I couldn't fully commit to what He was asking of me, which was to have a relationship with Him! It was like after that breakup, I realized what people meant when they would say He's a selfish God. How could I find a soulmate when my relationship with Him was lackluster? After all, Isaiah 41:10 states Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. So, was I putting my trust in Him, or was I searching for someone else to "save me"? I have always been an "I can't wait to get married and have children kind of girl." I knew that the savior mentality was creeping up. Thinking if I could just get me a husband, things would be ok. Especially when looking at everyone around me getting married and starting families. I just couldn't figure out why my timing was never aligned with His. Why did He want me to remain single? Don't get me wrong, I am so so thankful to have the people around me that show me the true meaning of friendship, love, compassion, and so many more emotions that keep me sane.

I'm thankful to be a part of their commUNITY and their villages daily, and I know they feed into my spirit, but it's just not the same.

It may have taken me some time, but with the help of Him and my commUNITY, I know that it is merely about waiting on His timing. Building a relationship with Him before I can start one with someone else. I know I have so much more growing to do, but I am happy with the efforts that I am putting in now. Making an effort to immerse me into Him and what He wants to grab my attention. Walking in His purpose and building my relationship to be as strong with Him as it can be.

 I will forever be grateful for the love He has shown me and the life He has allowed me to receive.I know that when the time is right like He says in 1 John 3:22, "and whatever I ask, I will receive from Him."

For those of you sitting in your season of singleness, I say embrace that as much as you can. Learn about yourself. Learn the ins and outs of what makes you happy, what makes you a great catch, or what you bring to the table. Next, find God! Lean on Him when you are lonely, lean on Him when you don't know how to handle the stress of singleness, and see that He is always there for you. Dive deeper into your word, and when the time is right, stand on the promise that you are never alone when He is in your heart. Love Him and learn about Him like never before. Be so far into Him that the only reason you even know someone is your soulmate is that God told you so.