God, it’s too early!
For weeks the Holy Spirit urged me to get up earlier to study the Word and pray.
Every morning I would make an excuse. I even joked to myself that Jesus wasn't up as early as I knew I should've been getting up. Being a mom, wife, serving in ministry at church, my son playing sports, and working full time. I want to get every second of sleep I can get. But, not getting up that morning has left me wondering what that meeting with God would've prevented me from doing or saying.
A Wednesday morning rolled around, 2:47 am, I believe God had enough of my excuses. My youngest son Noble hit me in the face and knocked my nose ring out. Anyone who has a nose piercing knows that they take months to heal. If the nose ring comes out before it's healed, then it may never go back in. So here I am, frantic, at 2:47 am in the bathroom, wide awake, trying to put a nose ring back in. After successfully putting it in, I made my way back to bed. Before I could even get back in bed, I thought of the many other early mornings; God wanted me to get up with Him as I was sound asleep. Here I was…wide awake, for a nose ring, OUCH.
I decided I would go to my Bible and read one of my favorite books, Galatians. For some reason, no not some reason, it was because I wanted to be sleep instead of reading the Bible, what I read wasn't registering. So, I opened up an unfinished Bible plan. I started with one of my sister-friends on beatitudes. The beatitude of the day was MEEKNESS. Man, it got interesting. I started reflecting on how a few days before, I and some people close to me got into a heated argument. My ego and pride had me tired of feeling betrayed and taken advantage of. I knew in this season God told me to remain silent until He said otherwise, but it got painful to do so. I felt weak because I wasn't speaking up or defending myself. I was holding in how I felt because I didn't want to disrespect or hurt others, but I was hurting. I bottled up my emotions until I couldn't bottle them anymore, and I exploded. I felt so justified in the way I blew up that not for one second did I feel bad, not until this early morning that God woke me up to meet with Him.
As I studied meekness, God made me realize being silent didn't make me weak.
Allowing Him to have control of the situation didn't make me a coward. I know the world would have us think that if we don't verbally stick up for ourselves, that means that we are being punked, but then I read about Jesus. He controlled the wind and the waves, he healed the blind and the sick, and still, someone close to Him betrayed Him. He was then put to death painfully for his sins, OUR SINS. That is not a weakness!
Staying silent as God directed me to and allowing Him to control the situation would've allowed me to be spirit directed instead of flesh driven. It wouldn't have taken away my power but added to it. God would've put my strength to greater use than I did, and I'm sure it would've been a better outcome.
Submitting to God is power under control.
Being uncontrollable doesn't allow God to use me the way He needs to. Submitting to God means all my actions will have a purpose, and He will direct me.
I learned that God wanted to strengthen me, to show me how to love people even when I feel it is difficult, and even when I'm too tired to follow his instructions. That is where the real strength lies. Just because I can win an argument doesn't mean I should. Even while I'm upset, the spirit should be directing me, not my flesh, anger, and temporary emotions. Being meek will change my interaction with others. That is how I could be more like Jesus, and isn't that the goal anyway?