A Blended Family Was Not My Dream
When I had my first child, I didn’t know I would end up a single mother.
I also didn’t think the man I would marry would be a single dad. A blended family was never my dream, but it is my reality. I’ve heard many success stories about blended families, but they don't start out that way. It was challenging for every party involved... still can be. Having a blended family takes maturity and intentionality.
Now, we aren’t Will and Jada over here but here are a few things I've learned about being in a blended family which has helped me a lot on this journey:
Stop making assumptions. Making assumptions about how other people feel instead of merely asking has never gotten me anywhere. I literally used to assume the worse. I wouldn't want to come off as the bad guy, so I would internalize everything, tormenting myself, instead of just asking my husband what was going on. Don’t overthink it. Just ask the question.
Let my husband lead his family. I should trust my husband's judgment enough to know that I will be included in the decisions that are made and the choices that would affect our family. Trust that there are no secrets unless proven otherwise.
Give grace and forgiveness. We were all new to this whole blended family thing. So, we’ve all made some mistakes in handling certain situations. There is no one size fit all rule book out there. Therefore, stuff is going to happen, but we’re in this to win this! Communication, apologies, and moving forward is vital. We won’t be perfect. But, family first. Not your emotions, or your pride, or your ego. What will benefit the family the most is what we should be concerned about.
Put yourself in their shoes. In all things, consider how your actions or words may make someone else feel. When the boys are arguing, and someone says something out of line, I always try to make them aware that they would not like it if the tables were turned. The same goes for interacting with the boy’s other parents. This helps in treating others how you desire to be treated.
Plan. Everything needs structure and order. There should be a plan for finances, discipline, visitation, etc. Things won't always go as planned, but it is best to have a foundation and clear expectations.
You can’t change people. You can put boundaries in place for yourself. Ultimately, people will do what they want, and all you can do is pray, and hope for the best. You will definitely stress yourself out, thinking you can control someone else. Make sure you are doing your part. Keep your family and extended family covered in prayer.
Now I am not saying these things are going to make your blended family perfect. Mine still isn’t and never will be lol. I will say it will help you to make sure that you are always acting out of love and putting the wellbeing of the family as a whole at the forefront.
