I don’t hang out with other women. They’re too much drama!
This is what I told myself and others for the majority of my life when they would ask me why I don't have many female friends.
While I had female friends growing up, the cattiness of hanging with other females always bothered me. So, if I could avoid hanging with them, I would. But, one day, I looked up and realized I had no real substantial friendships with women, and I wanted one, or more. I started thinking, "girl, how did you get this way?" Why did I avoid women, and I was a woman? I had to sit down and reflect on how I became this way. I thought back to the relationships or lack thereof I had with girls growing up. I thought about the times I went home asking my mom why no other little girls wanted to be friends with me and always seemed to pick fights. Why did I always end up fighting with them? Was it them, or was it me? Or was it both? I remember my mom telling me they were jealous, and my dad telling me the only friends you need are your siblings, so don't worry about it. I know they were comforting me, but I also don't believe that was 100% fact. Maybe partially. So, for a while, that was enough…until it wasn't.
I remember rumors being spread, eyes being rolled, and being backstabbed. The temptation to use my fists, actually using them, and cutting people off before I allowed them to get too close to me to hurt me. I was the Queen of cutting someone off if they showed any sign of what I thought was disloyalty or if I discerned spirits on them I wanted no parts of. I got so tired I just decided to stop hanging with females altogether. Too much drama! I was a tomboy, and I was interested in the same things boys were involved in anyways. That became a problem as well once everyone grew to the age of dating. The pretty girl that's always with everyone else's boyfriend. Growing up, whether you were sexually active or not, you were labeled. I grew a severe disdain for girls.
Then one day, justified and all, I decided I would sit in the things that I was doing wrong.
Spiritual maturity will cause you to look at yourself in the mirror and face your flaws. At some point, we have to stop blaming others because it could be holding us back from what we can change about us. Although I felt justified for how I felt about relationships with women, it wasn't ok to not have a sisterhood. There were things I couldn't share with my male friends. There were things they couldn't understand. So, what was my problem? Wheeeewwww chileeeeee, I had a few. One was I could hold a grudge. Unforgiveness weighed heavily on me. At the end of the day, it hurt me more than it hurt others. It caused me to categorize and prejudge all women.
I was doing to others what I hated being done to me all of my childhood and young adult life.
Scripture also tells us to forgive others if we want our Father in heaven to forgive us. God knows I made plenty of mistakes I needed forgiveness for, so who was I to not give others what I desperately needed. That unforgiveness hardened my heart. It wouldn't allow me to let anyone in or give anything out. I probably missed out on a lot of great friendships because of this. It also caused me to always be on defense. Always ready to react. I took things so personally when it came to other women. Which made me seem bitter and angry. One day I decided to release all women I had been hurt and betrayed by and forgive them. I also decided to forgive myself. I wanted to have healthy relationships with other women. I wanted relationships of substance. God never desired for us to be alone.
Two heads are definitely better than one.
Just like a relationship with your spouse or whoever you're dating, friendships/sisterhood takes work. It takes forgiveness, grace, understanding, and unconditional love. Don't be walked all over, but we are human. People make mistakes. Although people make mistakes, friendships should sustain you, not drain you. So, on my journey to making friends, the road has been bumpy, but I decided to not give up on figuring this thing out. That's also something I had to learn. We are designed to do life with each other. Friendships bring accountability. Accountability helps expose your sins so that you can repent from it. They help us realize what is keeping us from God. Friends can rightfully judge us because they know us and they’re doing life with us. Friends also make things you enjoy doing ten times better. Museums, parks, movies, concerts, and more. There are things I like doing alone, but I have some of the best memories with a friend. So, here's to nurturing and cultivating my friendships now and the ones to come. I went from you can't sit with me to... You can sit with me!! Just imagine if we all did!